I told my friend that "tombstones will not mention our friends or relatives but about ourself", and he responded by saying that your body will be burnt...
recording dictations
Recently I purchased a portable recording device, it is as small as iPod, but made by Olympus. I purchased this with the intention of using it to record the notes about technical subjects, that I have accumulated in past 11 years. Once done, I could listen to these recordings while doing mundane things and maintain the technical boundaries within the sight.
Why do I have to refresh?
Because there are too many; I have worked on several technologies, both transient and elemental, in past11 years. Most of the technical puzzles, that I come across today, need me to have grasp over these elemental concepts. Without the fresh feel over the subjects, I have been failing to decipher the problems and justify the solution. For me, it is not enough to say that "it should work that way", instead I should know why it is supposed to be that way. Essentially, I should replace 'gut' feeling with 'reason'
This week I dictated few topics out of DON Box's Inside COM in to the recorder; and results encouraged me to dictate an article that I was reading about mixing acrylic paints. Yesterday, at work, I had to dig in to the subject of URL encoding and I collected those notes and dictated it, later in the night, in to the recorder.
My immediate goal is to record the docs that I have prepared on COM, C++, AD, Exchange Server, MAPI etc... and use those recordings to prepare for the job interview.
I want to make it a habit to record as I read; this paraphrasing, on the fly, needs some mental work but will definitely help in the long run.
Let me see how this goes...
mindless Nature
I am coming back from vacation, where I spent most of the 12days, hiking and turning pages of nature. I saw glaciers, fighting not to melt in to a magnificent waterfall; and I came across streams, that did not mind running over anything, including me; and I got seduced by tender leaf; and I hiked in volcanic land of Mount St Helen's, where there was more ash than forest, like light-house,lives there, were far and few; and I waited for smoke/fog/cloud to drift away from mountain peaks, but they rarely responded in time, it appeared that cloud's intention was to curb the naughty mountain peaks from making an indecent exposure, especially when the stage is tall, light is bright; and then I also saw living bark, oozing some kind of sticky substance; and I walked past, dead trees exposing myself to glare, mellow light of sunset and etc...
After seeing so many sources of energy, that constitute this nature, I feel that nature can not be stopped, and every element of it, irrespective of size, is ruthless and mean when it comes to survival. Nature juuuust wants to live.
Usually, the interaction between two aspects of nature gets glorified as mutual understanding, example: a tiny plant sprouting out of the crack off of a rock sitting precariously on a harsh mountain peak; but I do not see any hint of mutual understanding there because when the for survival comes, mountain could crush that plant without giving it a thought; and same goes to plant, slow and steadily, this plant can grow in to a tree and slit the rock in to pieces.
These faces of natures are leading me to believe that Nature is mindless, it has been moving persistently since the beginning of time; look at the stream of water, it always is trying to conquer
Note: To to continued...
Maternity hospital and "Made in USA"
Recently while shopping I could not find anything that was not made in China...
Then I started asking....
What is still being made in USA?
Where can I find it?
My crooked mind said " it is in maternity hospital" -)
being dead.... feeling like dead....
It is sad to be leaving everything to go dead, but feeling like dead is much worse.
heaven, hell and normalcy
Religion tells about heaven and also hell, but we humans, most of the time, just need normalcy
Forester quote
...life is sometimes life and sometimes only a drama, and one must learn to distinguish...
- E. M. Forster from 'Howards End'
This is very common,...just recall the assurances and emotions that poured during happy times; like a holiday season.
Excerpts from novel "Fathers and Sons"
Excerpts from novel "Fathers and Sons" by Ivan Turgenev
Q1)
"In the first place, I'm far from good; and in the second place I no longer mean anything to you, and you tell me that I am good . . .It's just like placing a wreath of flowers round the head of a corpse."
poem: "body-mind-life"
body-mind-life
Beautiful faces are hiding,
haggard thoughts and
unpunctuated lives
"splitting Iraq" and "outsourcing jobs"
I have read a lot of reports recommending splitting of Iraq to bring peace. Ideally, I do not think it is a right path to take because people would always find way to discriminate agaist each other; today it is ethinc background, tomarrow it could something new, we should not yeild to it, it is a bad habit. Praposed solution is a dead end; there is only that much you can see in this road.
There is a parallel between out-sourcing and splitting of Iraq; both actions or rather reactions are very short sighted.
How many times can a society be split to gain the peace?
Similarly, without concentrating valuable inventions, how many quarters can a company show profit by just outsourcing?
End of sense of symmetry for human civilization?
When we start wearing entirely different shoe for each foot, we can assume that are screwed:-)
"Corporate America - an Angel for Slaves" - a poem
--------------------------------------------------
Corporate America is
a continental grave yard
where my brain fuels the fire
and ashes becomes capital share
now my bones are an ember
still, I can't go any where
because my life too needs fire
Corporate America runs
a day less brothel, where
Me a programmed whooore
sated, still I don't go anywhere
because I need a little immoral pleasure
Corporate America is
an Angel for, we slaves
extends my immigrant-soul year a once
and without her I am nowhere
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
©Copyright 2006 slave
See, being part of corporate; I have to Copyright this poem, or else I will be commiting a corporate blasphemy
"protected dream" - painting
"protected dreams"
Idea behind the painting:
While sleeping we all dream. Can we touch those dreams? No, it is not possible.
Some obscure barrier, is stopping you from feeling that dream and also turning the dreamer in to a mere waiting spectator.
One can also say that this barrier is protecting the dream from you.
In deep sleep, our unconscious mind acts as barrier/protector and in reallife there are myriad facts to guard the dream.
And this painting is all about a barrier, dreamer and his/hers protected dream.
About the painting itself
So following three things make up this painting
1) Dream:- Bright Orange background is the dream.
2) Barrier with key hole:- Murky black layer is the barrier and also the protector of the dream
3) Hands:- These two hands represent the stranded dreamers, waiting on the wrong side of the barrier.
Hand of a child and hand of an adult say every one dreams :-)
Other interesting things...
a) How to paint a dream?
It took few weeks to figure out this. I did not want the dream to have any familiar shape or thing.In the end, based on my own dream, I covered the canvas with reddish-orange color.
b) How to represent barrier?
I did not want to have barrier made of bars and grill; so I gave random shape to barrier.Random shape makes sense because of two reason; first is that dreams are fuzzy so are the barrier; and second reason is barriers are gray.
c) Glow?
The part that I like the most in this painting is the glow of the dream on hands.
This idea came just I was about to finish the painting :-)
human body is finite and mind is infinite
Following line flashed to my mind few minutes back. I love these jingles :-)
"..human body is finite and mind is infinite.."
How can a finite body host an infinite mind?
Mind may die before the body but when it is functioning mind's potential is unlimited, where as body would always hit limitation.
how to be young?
People want to remain young but time does not co-operate. Many people, as they move away from the origin of life or child wood, they become feel hard to resist the lost youth. Youth, an unaffordable necessity, leads to pretension, which takes various forms like; clothes, extra marital affairs and hobby. Hobby is the most effective technique.
clothes…
Obvious method adapted to remain young is to 'appear' young; by enhancing face and clothes. Fabric can some time conceal the crack between age & thread, but sometime it may just exaggerate the contrast. My point is this is a double edges sword, one need to be careful in exercising it.
infidelity
Life is like a day hike or climbing a mountain. When you are still crawling at the foot hills and also when you are about to be done at the zenith, you ooze spirit of life. But in the middle of the day and dusk, hiker becomes thirsty, feels the grad of the backpack and starts to tread an un-marked trail, hoping to steal some excitement in a new a relation. Basically some people want to prove that “I can still get a lady/man" :-)
Physical Hobby…
Table games like: Billiards, Table tennis and chess may also do the trick.
Creative Hobby…
Hobby can help a person to show youthful ness unabashedly. Person can pour his/her perpetual teen spirit to their hobbies without getting misunderstood. Some may label you crazy, do not worry; after all, what is life without an obsession? :-)
Among all the hobbies painting, photography is literally ageless. You can do anything in the name of art. My art teacher looked to be in her 50s. When she saw a good painting in our class, she used hold the painting like a trophy and pump her fist in to air, like a teenager in a sport field.
Artist can celebrate youth through their subject. Trembling hand does not stop an Artist from portraying a tender body or picturing sunset.
Is this all called as ‘midlife crises’?
I do not really know the clinical name. After all what is in the name? :-)
Quote from Jeanne
My dearest friend Jeanne is in her 70+ and I met her on my birthday. Clinically she is hopeless. Since she is being fed artificially using tubes, her throat is dry; and in spite of this she mumbled her favourite quote “men have character lines, women have wrinkles”. Even now she seems to miss her youth and she has repeated same quote again and again several times in the past.
When it is all going end?
For many lives this unfathomable desire is perpetual; and can only be conquered by death, provided one does not believe in reincarnation.
"Tale of two cities" by Dickens - snippet1
Saying 'Tale of Two Cities' has beautifull narration is an understatement. I have gone throught this story several times and I have perpetual desire to post some paragraphs which I enjoyed reading most.
"...
A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature isconstituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other.A solemn consideration, when I enter a great city by night, thatevery one of those darkly clustered houses encloses its own secret;that every room in every one of them encloses its own secret; thatevery beating heart in the hundreds of thousands of breasts there,is, in some of its imaginings, a secret to the heart nearest it!Something of the awfulness, even of Death itself, is referable tothis. No more can I turn the leaves of this dear book that I loved,and vainly hope in time to read it all. No more can I look into thedepths of this unfathomable water, wherein, as momentary lightsglanced into it, I have had glimpses of buried treasure and otherthings submerged. It was appointed that the book should shut witha spring, for ever and for ever, when I had read but a page. It wasappointed that the water should be locked in an eternal frost, whenthe light was playing on its surface, and I stood in ignorance on theshore. My friend is dead, my neighbour is dead, my love, the darlingof my soul, is dead; it is the inexorable consolidation andperpetuation of the secret that was always in that individuality,and which I shall carry in mine to my life's end. In any of theburial-places of this city through which I pass, is there a sleepermore inscrutable than its busy inhabitants are, in their innermostpersonality, to me, or than I am to them? .."
birthday - an event
I started a painting and it is turning out be good. I am hesitant to touch it; I should plan and then stroke.
This morning I spoke to my mom and for the first time she had forgotten my birthday:-). She sounded apologetic.
Long drive, coffee breaks…
I like driving, dozing on the wheels and coffee breaks at highway service stations. So today, I drive to Connecticut from New York to see Jeanne. It was a lovely cloudy, rainy day; and I saw fog on mountain tips and enjoyed 300mile drive.
Jeanne greeted me saying “Am I dreaming?” She no more has to thrust the food which did not enjoy; she is being artificially fed. Medically is in critical state. She has very nice view in her window but she can not turn her head in any direction, nor she can roll her body. I should visit her more often; unfortunately I may not have to make many trips.
Dinner
I and Ray had an inexpensive dinner at Mexican Takeout. Then we tried solve Lebanon & Israel crisis :-)
culture/religion a symbiotic sin?
My friend says culture is symbiotic, this is indisputable and but I think there are men who have overcome this. Overcoming this can be a virtue and at times could be a tragedy.
You can be cultural/religious, nothing wrong in it. But sometimes culture touches the sacred things and gets too close to the heart. You know how ugly those finger-prints on your eye glasses can be: culture could be as bad/out-of-place as them when seen at wrong place.
my bitter experience with culture/religion has lead me to believe that culture/religion are a symbiotic sin
a stripper does not take culture in to account
"..a stripper does not take culture in to account.." My friend's words are ironic. When I coming out of the gym, I was thinking about the role of culture in the establishing grave boundaries inthe name of diversity.
It is sad, Culture/religion have tainted everything, civilization has tought us how to conceal it.
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