Slowly I Married her - Leonard Cohen

Slowly I married her
slowly and bitterly married her love
Married her body,
boredom and joy

Slowly I came to her
slow and resentfully came to her bed
Came to her table in hunger and habit
came to be fed

Slowly I married her
sanctioned by none
with nobody’s blessings, in nobody’s name
amid general warnings, amid general scorn
Came to her fragrance, my nostrils wide
Came to her greed with seed for a child
Years in the coming and years in retreat

Slowly I married her
slowly I kneeled
And now we are wounded so deep and so well
that no one can hurt us except Death itself
And all through Death’s dream I move with her lips
The dream is a night but eternal the kiss
And slowly I come to her
slowly we shed the clothes of our doubting
and slowly we wed

I copied this from a recital so punctuations could be off. Leonard Cohen recites this in the context of his song "Where is my Gypsy wife", as you can see in this following clip. Recital starts at 2:56 min marker
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2byWWMmf20

Gambling in Painting

I think painter like any other artist indulges in gambling. Sometimes gambling is a choice and sometimes it is inevitable; following is an example for latter.

Situation
Acrylic Gels are opaque when dry and turn transparent on going dry. This means at the time of application of Gel, I had to guess the outcome. Given that Gel takes more than 24hours to dry, I had to wait for quite a while, to see the result. For all practical sense, Gel can not be repealed, once applied, it is sealed.

Acrylic Gel can be mixed with color and that makes outcome more elusive, adding new dimension.

In this example, I wanted to give greasy texture so I applied Acrylic Gel. Some time I think I had not applied the gel at all.

Without Gel



With gel

Devil's decoration

This is my latest painting, called Devils Decoration, let me describe in gruesome spirit :-).

What is Devil's art-work?
Bleeding body is an art-work in the eyes of Devil. And to frame this flesh, Devil uses victim's own bones. And then hangs it on wall, in his living-room, as decorative item.

I started to paint with the above idea and did not know how to fill rest of the canvas or create the ambiance. In order to create ambiance that is not cliche, I applied random color on canvas and simply enhanced the forms that I saw.



The bones and cracks have been generated using Hard Molding Paste so it looks multi-dimensional. Fluid texture comes from Gel. I used varieties of Paste and Gels, along with color-tubes. Given you have hard-body-color, fluid-color, number of types Gels, number of types of pastes, the potential combination could leave one owed, at least that is how I feel.

Gels also add to creativity in a way; Gels are opaque when wet and get transparent as they dry, and this makes them unpredictable, and makes us/painter accept reality :-)

"free-will" amidst the dynamics of time

I started to reside in Newyork from 2001. From that time I have been going to a Gasoline station near my home. The person who fills petrol there, is an Indian, specifically speaking, a Punjabi. I try best to fill gas there so that I can give him a tip. Whenever I go there, we exchange few words in English.

Right after few visits, I suspected his legality in US. Recently, two months back, it become more evident when he told me that his wife comes from India, once in couple of years to see him. Same distance exists between him and his children too. Basically, he can not move around in US borders.

Today, I met him again and remembered our past conversation. Driving back home, started dwelling more in to his situation, using my insight as an immigrant. Major difference between us is that I am sacred. Thinking about his life: I wonder how long can this go on? Is that it, will he never share the roof with his wife and offspring? Why we force ourselves in to such position? These must have made sense at one time, may make sense, to some extent even now. Did we think of exit strategy? Worst, does one exist at all?

Talking about my own life, a over-cast day is a brilliant one to me. On such a day view from my window is very peaceful, and I struglle to convey this to my mom over phone. What makes our communication worse is my mother does not have victorian-like background, so I can not tell her to relate to the verses of "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening" by Robert Frost.


Recently, I had kept few paintings under sun and it was a beautiful set up. I could not convey this to my sister over phone, so I e-mailed this picture to her. I doubt this picture helped because photographs do not go beyond their frame.

Are we being forced?
No one sanctioned us to migrate, either legally or illegally. No one is also forcing us to maintain current status. Moreover, this is not an alienating country at all, in fact, for many of us, chances of getting discriminated is higher in our own native country.

Fundamental question is, do we have a choice?
In general, at almost every phase of our lives, neither we are forced nor we are given reasonable choice. French philosopher, Jean Paul Sartre, proposed existentialism and "free will" theory. According to that people have choice whether to do it or not. It seems, in his advanced years, he expressed doubts about this theory.

Dynamics of time
I also believe that state we are in, is partly due to our action and partly because of the dynamics of our time. We do not control the dynamics consequently can not posses free-will. For example, the Ice sheet in Arctic has to melt, it can not win over the dynamics of weather, and Iceberg can neither control the consequences of its own disintegration.

Ways to absolute free-will
We can not live and also have absolute "free-will". We may move closer to "free-will" if we became one with Gautama Buddha( by having absolute control over our desires). But we can definitely achieve rock solid "free-will", if we withdrew ourselves from this dynamics, in to death.

Day light

All anti-abortion fanatics, please come out of that tunnel, see some day light

Reforming 'this' and 'that'

Obama talks about reforming this and that, and at the same time, seem not to realize(at least I think so) that same style-of-business runs through all these problems.

Without changing the culture at Wall-street, he can not bring any change, in any area. Even he manages, that may not sustain.

Role

We play role; sometime we get choose and sometime someone else

Will China prove Democracy overrated?

I feel so more and more...this comes from my past experience in India and what is going on now in US. In India, politicians use democracy as weapon to destroy growth and in US politicians use it as a sequence as speed dumps(to give an impression of constructivism) to divert growth.

In both countries, people have are happy to have a choice that has been not usefull till now. Elites and pseudo intellectuals have built TV shows around this democracy.

Politicians who are part of democracy will always brag it as best option, repeat Churchhill's quote. We people believe those preaching because it makes sense to brains crippled by excess automation.

Yes, democracy gives equal TV time to both satan and saint, but it is prudent if only the people are able to see the lessening difference..

For a second, come out of Churchill's quote in to day light, and look at voparizatin of Healthcare reform and Financial Reform

We continue saying, life goes on, so does our counter part in China, so what is the difference in the end.

Well, I am not going to do anything special either. I will also wait for next placebo, called Election. And it will definately make me feel that I have acted

Epidemic

Today two items stopped working

1) My not even two years old cellphone's head phone stopped working. The problems is more complicated, it resets the connection within two minutes. I can not convince myself that the age of cell phone is just two years. I am talking about Motorola Razor phone made for Verizon

2) Nine months old backpack, purchased in India gave up. Today strap got disengaged. This shows that the virus has reached India too. It would have been perfectly normal if I had purchased the crap in a US chain store.

Here is the list of the things that died in less than 2 years
-Pressure cooker.
-Cooking vessel.
-Salt shaker
-Hair drier
-Rubbermaid box(stared to leak)
-Cellphone charger(previous phone)
-Cellphone head phone(current phone)
-Backpack

Things that I purchased in 2000 sees to be durable. Samsung cellphone, purchased in 200 had been functioning well when I lost it in 2005. Backpack that I purchased in 2001 is torn but still usable. So moral of the story is, do not throw anything that is old.

Lazy and crocked style capitalism of wall-street has become global epidemic, will surely drive the world to ditch while morons like me vent anger by blogging...and continue popping pills, just to survive these un-engineered materials.

Dumb or smart

Either you have to be dumb enought to not see problem or smart enough to fix the problem. Anything in between is going to be just a torture.

Friedrich Nietzsche - 001

On friendship
"Be at least mine enemy!"- thus speaketh the true reverence, which
doth not venture to solicit friendship.
If one would have a friend, then must one also be willing to wage
war for him: and in order to wage war, one must be capable of being an
enemy.

On women
In woman's love there is injustice and blindness to all she doth not
love. And even in woman's conscious love, there is still always
surprise and lightning and night, along with the light.
As yet woman is not capable of friendship: women are still cats
and birds. Or at the best, cows.
As yet woman is not capable of friendship. But tell me, ye men,
who of you is capable of friendship?
..............................................................
..........................................
...................................
....... Thus spake Zarathustra.

Why kill to rob a Bank?

Bank robber kills 8 to rob a bank

This news amuses me because he could have robbed the bank peacefully if had come Manhattan :-)

Copy & Paste : modern day activism

I heard a radio program on recent protests in Iran. Speakers also spoke about great movements like Indian Independence, US Civil rights and it made sense. I add SA Apartheid and Iranian revolution of 70's to that list. How these previous generations succeed in organizing using pathetic communication devices compared to current standards?

I think movements need sustainable will, not just spontaneous armchair, feels-good actions like tweeting, blogging, YouTube clips etc... Everywhere people(including me) express great outrage but hardly move. Pattern is easy to spot: so many Americans have expressed deep outrage about the clout of financial companies but not even a day of protest.

There is so much chatter about Iranian protests, it even beats dead Micheal Jackson. BBC World Service is on its tows, it even interviewed a lady in Philippines who wrote poem about that protester who got squashed by Iranian militia. It was a fortnight of celebration for wired community.

Till this year, I believed in cheer leading and hoped it would give birth to some leader. Last nail to that coffin of hope came from all talk American society, which consumes probably 80% of internet of traffic but took no action to stop Financial companies taking over their Nation. So what can I expect from Africans, Burmese but I give some credit Palestinians.

As you can see I do F**ing blog and do not take any physical action. What is the difference between my mom, who is not even aware of wall-street crooks and me, bloggers?

Mouse clicks do not slap dictators; we lack leaders and soldiers but have abundance of bloggers to archive....I mean to copy/paste :-)

Confession: This post is strictly for recreation and to induce sleep, in what is already a leisurely night.

Doctors in US

Coming from outside into US, I find doctors as another businessmen. It was a shocking realization. I saw word ‘discount’(on insurance report) and till then I was under the impression word ‘discount’ applied to other businesses. I visit ophthalmologist, the main doctor answers to my questions like an attorney, as if I am going sue if he wavers. Doctors work like clock, their behavior makes very clear(to patient) that they are spending time!!!.

I think others also share responsibility for this state. How can doctors be immune when the society’s pulses are ‘profit’ & ‘earnings’?
People file frivolous law cases. Everyone makes mistake, penalty should be to punish without destroying and also should not be for profiting. Govt should put threshold on penalty, at least to prevent law suites from making whole medical system expensive.

Govt.of China, Google and capitalist dogs

Just for the sake of recording I am posting this. I may needs this sometime when Google comes out blaring that it is the emblem of free choice.

This also to prove, current capitalist are dogs
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gKrY51vO2V86xiICf35Q05J0FIEAD98TPD380

Indian spice to fight lens Fungus...

All of a sudden several of my lenses have got fungus(Pentax f2.8 100mm Macro and Sigma f2.8 180mm Macro). I had not had to fight this for few years; Last time I faced fungus was in 2001, and I spent 175$ for cleaning. At that time, Pentax said that fungus has etched in to glass and replaced the glass.

Today, I found these two articles on Fungus, and one suggested the use of Carom key ingredient of Indian spice. Carom is anti fungal.

http://www.mypentax.com/Fungus.html#kill

http://www.chem.helsinki.fi/~toomas/photo/fungus/
This article suggest to have a pack of Silica gel inside lens case and also to observe for change in color of Silica. This is an important piece of information, change in color of Silica means it is saturated with water, time to change.

Immigration

Ten more people die while trying to get in to US. Death like this is not so much troubling compared to the motivation behind such desperate act.

http//www.nytimes.com/2009/06/08/us/08arizona.html?ref=global-home

Non-US media broadcasts news like this way too often. It is always people trying to get in to West or its kins. Africans take risk of crossing ocean to reach Italy on flimsy boats regularly; there are many African Jews, waiting to get in to so called promised land called Israel and get treated like second-hand people for obvious reasons and still those Jews try; Australia catches illegal immigrants(coming from Afghanistan) regularly and locks them in camps(Yes, they feel better for not getting deported); there are people from Philippines trying to enter its affluent neighbors; funniest incident was one African sportsman, when on tour to AUS over stayed his visa.

May be it is impossible for people to resist pampered life-style that they get to see on TV; may be it is not temptation but miserable state of their respective society. Who knows but it is very apparent that we are living in highly tilted world, as if a part is sinking in to sea.....

Having spent all my life in India, reading such news while sitting in NewYork makes me guilt of having exceptional advantage over others; as if every other person is a lame in this race....

"Energy conservation lifestyle" Google could do more

After living in US for 8 years, I think in US, conservation is like a occasional event like festival or party, where as in Asian countries(like my home country India) it is a lifestyle(yes, motives are different). Here are examples for conservation that encomposses whole life: in India, I have washed bowl using trickling tap water; also was conscious of number lights that are on at any time in home; always traded paper & plastic for goods. What I am trying convey is conservation should extend to water, electricity, petrol etc... not just be a symbol like hybrid car.

I believe conservation will show substantial yeilds once people start thinking about it all the time. Here are two ideas that I think might help in this regard.

1) www.google.com could have a tab called "Conservation" like 'News', and in this section, people could share realistic ideas & experiences about conservation. Person after reading these for 10 times, may start to change his/her's lifestyle to conserve energy.

2) www.google page could randomly show messages, like reminder, about actions that an individual could take to save energy.

Shoppig bags

True US society has few employment opportunities because people are lazy. I mean, don't like to do ACTUAL work, rather be middle man.

Here is an example, shopping bags made by cloth, sold in grocery stores. It is so easy to stitch them, no complex cutting like blouse, shirt or trouser but still people do not mind paying. In my family circle, in Bangalore, almost every person knows stitching, so feel not worth buying them. I rather stitch myself, I used help my mom and aunt stitch clothes, woolen sweaters.

This is just an example for available opportunities; yes these would not yield million.

Repetative books authors

When I am home I usually keep radio on all the time. So, I get to hear same book author interviewed in 2-3 different radio stations; some times radio stations are separated by continent.

What I find interesting is authors quote same example in every one of those interviews. That somewhat disappoints me because it sounds premeditated. I usually imagine writers as individuals with 100 eyes, and this repetitions paints them as less spontaneous.

Here is latest example: David Kessler, author of 'The End of Overeating', was trying explain the grip that food has on peoples' mind; he even used word addiction. And in the course of this description, he quoted exactly same example on both BBC and NPR. The repeated line is, I start to salivate in anticipation of Chinese dumplings as soon as his flight lands in San Francisco.